The Complicated Feelings ♥

Hey bloggie, sorry, been too lazy to update you :3

Gonna talk about all my feelings in the past few days.
Whenever I texted with my ex-crush, I have some weird feelings. I can't identify it. I took a lot of times, to try to figure it, but still, I failed.
Someone told me: 'it is just some complicated feelings you had towards her, cause she was your crush before. As long as you know who you love right now, it is fine'
Well, yeah, she isn't the one in my mind. It is just some old time feelings. After all, I treated her as my besties. Although I don't love you like last time, but whenever you need someone to talk to, someone to be your listener, I'll be there for you, as a friend :)
Anyway, you won't fall for me even though what I do. If you will, you already did :P

I can't remember, how much I loved you, how much I cared about you, how much tears I drop because of you, how much pain I cost myself loving you, how a fool I am to fall for you, how my heart broke because of you... All of this, I can't remember, but I will never forget.
Thank you, for breaking my heart, tearing me apart. If it isn't you, I won't grow up. Seriously, people just need someone to hurt them badly only they will realise on their own.
Now, there are something in my head spinning around, some questions. All my love, my efforts, do you received it? Do you realised how deep it is? Do you even know how my heart scatter into pieces because of you?!
If you ask me, do I hate you, my answer is: No, never once.
I pull myself away, because I loved you too much, and I know if I keep going, there won't be an ending. After all I'm not that guy you wanted, after all I just can't make you loved me back, after all, I'm just your besties..
But it doesn't sounds that bad. At least, I know that someone would need me when they are unhappy, someone would wanted me to be a listener. I'm so glad and happy to help you out.
'Stay alive, keep going, live your life, proud glowing.' - Simple words especially for you :)
In case you don't know I'm talking about you: Vivian Choe ♥

So now, it is about another thingy, something lovely.
'Heart is broken when words leave unspoken.' - Edwin Hew
He told me this, and that's how I'm feeling right now. I wanted to let her know, but, it is not time yet. I must control myself. If I really love her, I can wait, wait until we understand each other more, until we can read each other's mind, and until the day I'm the Special One to her.
How I wish that she knows all of these. How I wish that she is also thinking about me.
I got a bad habit recently. When I have nothing to do, I will think of her, and just smile, like an idiot. But I enjoy doing it.
Hey girl, umm, do you know that, there is a guy over here, that place your photo on a dart board, and throw it everyday, yet he misses all his shoot, how dumb, but he is smiling, he is happy, he is crying... He miss you so much, that sometimes, he just look at your photo, and recall the days he spent with you, the things he did with you, the way he made you laugh, the strength he used when knocked your head, the emotion when you got a surprise from him...
But, he don't care how much it hurts to wait, it worth it, it totally worth it, cause the joy he got, far exceed the pain he gets, it is the tears of happiness :')

That's all for my feelings. Been too lazy to study these days, must do some revision ! MOTIVATION ! Come !
But I will never forget to do one thing. Opps, I miss again ♥

♥Lmw'

After The Though Times ♥

Hey bloggie, long time no see :3
Sorry for not updating, had exam in the previous days. Not doing well in the exam, sure die x(

Wednesday after exam, went lunch with friends, and my crush :3
Had a great day, took plenty of photos.Then after that went karaoke with another bunch of friends. I went totally crazy, lost control xD
I think everyone is afraid of me now xD

Then today, went on a date with schoolmates. And of course, she was there >.<
Not much to say about today actually, just went ice-skating and movie. Had a lot of fun in ice-skating, like it a lot !
After that went lunch at Sakae Sushi. After that, I keep asking Cheing for photos, she kinda freaked out I think xD
Then went movie, Expandable 2. NICE ! But I've no idea who is who xD
Follow by bowling. Seriously, I suck xD
Edwin, are you kidding me?! BEGINNER AND YOU CAN PLAY SO WELL ?!
You must be a genius xD
Feel like going for archery, but it is too expensive :(
After that she went back, gonna miss her a lot :(
SO GONNA MISS HER MUCH !
Anyway, gonna meet her tomorrow :3
Happy :)

I think that's all for today, getting tired and still ft-ing with Zhao xD
Nvm, will yawn in tuition tomorrow >.<

♥Lmw'

Worry No More ♥

Worry no more, it already became a fact. So there are high chances that you will leave, so soon? Or in few years? I really hope that the result will hit the minor, so you could stay here. But it's a bit too late right? I'm so sorry that I don't know how to appreciate you when I can, sorry for all the childishness have in me, I wanna say all the sorry, before it's too late. I wanna say all the loves, before it's too late. I wanna keep all my promises, before it's too late. But, isn't it too late now? It's too late, to regret, it's too late, to change, it's too late, too late...

Piece of advice to everyone, appreciate, before it's too late. You never know how much she sacrificed for you. You never know how pain it is, to give birth. You never know how hurt she is, every time you walk and fall. You never know how is it feels, when you ignore her. You never know how it feels, when you achieve something. You never know, cause you're not her. She precious you more than everything, more than herself. Ask yourself, how much you treasured her? How much you thank her for everything she did for you? All the sacrifices, all the time, all the effort, all the best, she gave it to you.
When you were still a baby, the first time you called her 'mom', the joy in her, you can't imagine it. The first time you tried to stand up and walk, the happiness in her, you can't imagine it. The first time you scolded her, even by accident, the sadness in her, you can't imagine it. The first time you did something really really wrong, the disappointment in her, you can't imagine it. The first time you achieve something, the satisfaction in her, you can't imagine it. All of these, you can't imagine it. You can only experience it.
Sometimes, she let you fall down, and asked you to stand up yourself, doesn't meant that she doesn't love you. It's because she loves you more than everything, she wanted you to learn to never give up. So at last, you stand up, you walk, you run, you jump. Imagine that if she keep helping you, carrying you around since you're a baby, till now, do you even know what it is feel like when you step on the ground?
Sometimes, you let her down, disappointing her, even though she feel sad, but she will try her best, just to cheer you up. She forgive whatever you did, you mad at her, shouted at her, scolded her, doesn't matter, she still love you more than everything. Do you know how hard is it to cheer someone when you're not even in mood? But only her, she can do it.
Love surpass everything, but have you realised it yet?
Open your eyes big, open your heart wide, feel it, feel the love, appreciate it, before it's too late.

♥Lmw'

Song And Lyrics ♥

Hey bloggie, sorry to say this, I'm going to write in Chinese today. Sorry :3

Well, I changed a lyrics of a song today in class, when teacher is teaching. Ugh, I hate that feel, when I got the idea when I'm in the middle of the class.

其实（原来-林俊杰）
窗外的雨滴诉说我的苦
但始终也没能让我舒服
还徘徊在伤心的过去
走不出那段回忆
做什么还是不能够忘记

其实我每一夜都会独自躲着哭泣
其实我每一天都会偷偷地想念你
我终是会一脸笑嘻嘻
但却没有人懂我有多么伤心
其实你离开了以后我不是我自己
其实你最后的一句我根本没听进
傻傻等着你
却又一次一次的碎心

Done with the song lyrics. Well, not a really good one though. Will do better next time :)
And I came out with some...quote? I think I can call it that way. Just my own perspective about loves. Going to share it :)

男人不好，不是因为他心肠坏，
而是，他还没遇见对的人，
不懂珍惜，不懂真心。

好男人，不能只用眼睛看，
要用心感受，用心观察。

女人对一个男人好，
不是因为她不能没有他，
只是她希望自己的真心，
能够换来那个男人的真心。

It's your fault,
not because of what you did,
it's because,
you believed.


That's all I got, well, it's my own perspective about love. Hope you all enjoy it :)

♥Lmw'

On My Mind ♥

Hey bloggie, I'm back :D
Somehow I managed to get up and watch Olympic. Wohoohoo !
Well, men's diving, he did a great job. Although you didn't get any medal, but still, you're one of the world ranked diver :D

Fuufuu, not sure about this, but somehow I'm the only one who care about the Maths assignment. Seriously?
Well, still have one question left, but now is a bit too late, so not going to continue >.<
Why am I staying up so late? Haha, just now watched Olympic then continue with Maths assignment. Now looking for notes about 'computer'.
Well, it's harder than I imagined ! But doesn't matter, just do it !

Hmm, wonder how long I haven't stay up so late. Last time I used to be like this, but it's not so healthy, so I changed. But today, because of Olympic >.<

Midnight, always make a person in deep thought mood.
Even I'm in deep thought mood, I'm still thinking of you.
*Sigh
I wanted to text more with you, but you always thought you are disturbing me, can't be help.
*Deep sigh
Oh well, not really much to post today. Or rather say that I'm so tired that I forgot what I wanted to post. AHAHA ! Sorry yarr.

That's all for today I guess :)

♥Lmw'

Short One ♥

Hey bloggie ! Just here to tell you that, going to wake up later, so will update my stuff later.
Why? OLYMPIC MARATHON ! MALAYSIA ! GO FOR GOLD ! CYCLING AND DIVING !!
That's all for now :3

- TO BE CONTINUE -

Thought Too Much? ♥

Hey bloggie, don't know why, but I feel like blogging everyday. Hmm, I think is just to express my feelings, and keep my viewer updates? Ahaha. >.<

Hmm, well, nothing really happy happened today. Quite pissed off. Ugh.
Let's start with this morning. When I woke up, the broken hearted feeling still stay deep inside me. Sigh.
About 9 something, at last I manage to get out of the bed. When I decide to take a shower, someone locks the door. Must be my younger cousin. Bet she wanna take a shower. Oh well, so I waited, meanwhile, surfing the net on phone.
After 10 minutes, I heard no sound. Then I go her room knock on her door. 'Are you going to use the bathroom?' And she replied 'Yea, I wanna take a shower'. And I was like: Dafuq? 10 minutes ago you locked the door, and now you still lying on your bed?! Just you are the youngest doesn't mean that you don't need to consider about others !
Felt so pissed off, then I walked away. Went downstairs watch tv. The show ‘We Not Naughty' 孩子不坏. Oh my gosh ! That show really touching. There was a scene, when the mother going to give birth, her sacrifice, made me cry like hell. Ugh, just wanted to say, 'Thank you mom, I love you ♥'
Nothing special after that.

Studies for awhile, then felt super active, feel like going out for badminton or basketball. Too bad I don't have a partner :(
Oh well, so I slack for like an hour. Then went jogging. Luckily no rain :3
Went back from run, oh damn, my leg, I can't walk properly >.<
But I had fun, looking at those parent brought their children to the park, play with them, hold them while they are walking and running around, race with them, just shoooooo sweet ♥
I always imagine that, one day, I'll hold your hand, then we will have our children, day by day, see them grow up, and teach them, guide them, listen to them, concern about them, until the day, both of us lost our breath, lost our heartbeat, we will pray for them from another world. ♥

Hehes, back back, back from day dreaming :3
Then I was on my computer, downloading loads of songs. While waiting, nothing better to do. So I google searched someone's name. And guess what? Her blog appear right in the first option !
I almost fall off my seat laughing. Just so damn funny ahahaha !
Go almost through all the posts, still can't find the thing I wanted to know, but at least I have some clue now :)
Will finish it someday :P

That's all for today activities :D

Re http://b2utydreams.blogspot.com/2012/08/blog-post.html :
Well, you said, you imagine and think too much. It hurts, I agree. Me too, every time I imagine, but eventually, reality is still reality. But do you know how people achieve their dreams? It is because they have dreams. All the time, they keep imagining and it became their motivation to make things happen.
Thought too much, is because we wanted something badly, but if we don't even think about it, it means that we don't even care about it, and that's why we won't feel sad. If you really want it so badly, you should try your best, give out everything to get it ! Thinking too much make you sad right? Then make it real ! I know it ain't easy, but if you don't try, you might never know. At least try your best, surpass your limit !
And I believe if you are determine enough, dreams will come true :)
But remember, don't go too over. Actually, until a point, you will know whether it works or not. But even though you know it won't work, you will keep going, because you already believed in it. Don't worry, it will stop when you found something else, that mean more than that, that works, that is the right one.
So as a conclusion, just don't give up, thinking might hurts, but giving up make you lost everything :)

Oh yea ! I just realised that this post, I haven't talked about her yet :P
Well, tomorrow school day, so YAY ! At last I can see her, after all these daysssss T.T
Oh my goshhh, I missed her smile, her laugh, her sound... BADLY !
*being silly
Every time I listened to a love song, I will smile like an idiot. I think have a condition.
Should visit the doctor, but it's not the time yet.
Because the only doctor that can save me, is you ♥

♥Lmw'

A Broken Relation ♥

Hey bloggie, I'm back again, today. Now you see how much I'm slacking >.<

So 5 hours ago, was the Olympic Badminton Match: Malaysia vs China.
A lot of us, Malaysian, put on high hopes on him for the first medal. But somehow, he lost, and get silver medal.
But, you know, he is still the best. From ESPN Commentator: 'Skill win you medals but attitude win hearts'. Your attitude is way better than your opponent. Moreover, you are having pain killer in the past few fights. Bet you still haven't recover completely from your injury. Even though, you still play for your country. Really, proud of you. You deserve something more than a Gold Medal, respect. Datuk Lee Chong Wei, you're the best :)

Done with the badminton post. Now, hmm, should start with the lovely post, as my iPod is playing a love song :3
Texted with her, and talking about the match today. Ahaha, well, she was so so excited. But in the end, both of us feel like crying. Just so close :(
After that we texted. And she still thought that I like her friend. Oh my my my, how innocent can you be? Is already so so obvious, but you still.. Gahhh ! But that's good too, so I can tell you right in your face someday :3

Now, the sad one.
It's about my cousin, the elder one. Weird right? Cause when I talked about her, it will usually be a happy post. But this time, just so different.
Not sure what happened, somehow, you didn't talk to me a lot like last time anymore. You never tell me what happened in school anymore, you're so cool to me. I'm so not important that you don't even bother to reply my tweet, reply my message, reply what I ask, and go through all the stories I tell you. That's just sad. I've no idea why, but somehow something happened, makes you don't even wanted to bother me. Is it just me, or you've really changed? I missed how we used to be, all those stories you told me, all those laughs we had, all of those things, are becoming memories...
Memories? Not sure if you even bother to remember it.
I just so wanted a sister, but I think I don't know how to maintain our relationship. Fail brother, can't even make you think me as your brother. Although you are not my sister, but I already thought that, you are my sister.
Just, what can I do to fix this? Sigh...

Planed for a short post, but it end up a long one. Haha, bye bloggie :)

♥Lmw'

Everyone Makes Mistakes ♥

Hey bloggie, I'm back again :)

Friend feeling guilty for what she did. But hey, everyone makes mistakes, it's alright now, nobody get hurts, and nobody wanna see you like this. We want the trolling you, the flipping you :)
Hope you get through it soon :)

Somehow I forgot what I wanna talk about. Ahaha ! Oh well, let's start with what I did today.

Woke up at 6 today, cause I wanted to fetch my cousin sis to school. Well, really sacrificing ! Feel really sleepy now. Relatives came to house today, and we went to play basketball in the evening. Fun, and tiring. I still prefer badminton :3

Oh Monday holiday, sad sad :(
I wanted to see her soon ! Missed her a lot. :(
Well, did text her at night, but do you know that I never wanna say bye? You are my motivation larh >.<

Hmm, seems like a short post for today. Nothing much happened. So night peeps :)

♥Lmw'

Worst Feeling Ever ♥

Hey bloggie,came to visit you again :)

Today something very very horror happened. Will starts from school.
Morning woke up late, forgot to turn on my alarm LOL. Of well, at least I still get to school by time :)
Had a great time in school, but today is Friday :(
Need to wait until next week to see her. Oh well, at least I get to see her again :'(  (Continue reading to find out why I put this symbol)
Then after school, went CF.
Heard that our Maths teacher's mom passed away. Really sorry to hear that. May her soul rest in peace, and take care too teacher ♥
Ugh, why I keep receiving bad news around?! Bio teacher, mom, friend's dad, now maths teacher?! I don't want more of these :(

After CF, rush to Parade and get Famous Amos cookies. For what? Of course, get it for her :3
Well, heard that she wanted to eat, so I go get it :)
After that rush to have my lunch, and tuition.
When I reached tuition, seats changed. I feel weird. They leave a seat beside her for me.
Then when I sited down, something freak me out.
'Esther's car got crashed by a lorry, Syuen hit her head on the window.'
Literally, I look at her, and she looks totally fine, but in my heart, I'm panic. So panic..
I was thinking what to say, what should I do...
But quite failed, I just asked 'Are you alright?' and few pats behind her back..
I can't do much :(
And after I heard that, I have a feeling, to hold her, but I know it's just not right..
After that, a lot of stuffs pop out of my mind..
'What if in that accident, she got serious injure and got into hospital? What if one day, I suddenly leave this world? What if we will never meet again? Then, would I ever able to tell you that how much I like you right in your face? And eventually, I will start to regret that I didn't tell you earlier, I didn't hold all the chances I can...'
I feel like crying that time, I'm really really worry about her, I'm afraid that she will leave me, and we would never meet again..
Why everyone around me keep having bad news? Please stop that ! PLEASE !
And I did gave her the cookies, and she looks happy. But insist to pay me back. Of course, I didn't accept it.
After tuition, I feeling emo, and think everything negatively. Luckily there is someone that advise and comfort me :)
Thanks a lot ♥

After that incident, I start to think, should I tell her before it's too late? Must find one day, someday after exam, take out all my courage, and tell her that she is someone special to me, tell her how much I appreciate her, tell her how happy I'm to meet her, before it's too late...

In-reply-to someone that said 'Everything is fake':
If everyone is lying, would you believe in yourself? If everyone is acting, would you still be yourself? If everyone is fake, would you stay real? If everything is fake, will you search for that real?
I have no idea what happen, but after all, all of this is real if only you believe. You believe that the people you can share everything is your best friend, and this is how that person became your best friend. You believe in someone's word, that is how it become real. You believe someone's personalities is what they showed, that is how it become real. You believe that person, that's how they become real. It's all in your perspective. Even if someone try so hard to show their true self, if you don't believe it, it is not real.
I'm no one to judge who you are, to tell you what to do. But I just wanna tell you, you are real to me, I believe you are my friend, and I'm trying hard to look clearly your personalities, cause I believe that there is something really deep inside you. And I believe that, you are REAL :)

♥Lmw'

Stay Strong? Stay Happy? ♥

Hey bloggie :D
Somehow I feel like updating yoou everyday >.<

Just thought of something: Stay strong, move on ♥
Well, stay strong and move on? Stay strong, bare all the pain alone, like a warrior, a hero..
Sorry to tell you, I'm not that great. I need someone to rely on as well. So instead of staying strong, I stay happy and move on...
And you are the reason for me to be happy ♥
Haha, really so in love with you. You always made me happy. Can't you see that you are different from others?
I really feel so happy that I can get so close to her, and see her every weekdays.
*Smiling like an idiot at the moment
Although sometimes feel sad when it's about time to say bye, but I'll see her another day :)
Can't wait until tomorrow, I have a plan >.<
Hehes, well, the fact that I like her, getting very very obvious. :)

TO: Someone that tell me 'You should be happy that you can get so close to her you know ! Not many people can see their love ones that often'

Not sure that my assumption is right or not, I feel that you still like him. It's okay to be loyal, but it will be stupid to loyal on someone that don't even give a damn on you. Sorry if my words hurt you. I know how it feel, cause I've been in love, and in pain too. I gave everything, but what I get is just another broken heart. If you are in a bad mood, you can always find me, I can be your listener. I might not be a good listener, but I will try my best to comfort you. Hope you will read this. Stay happy and move on, remember that you still got a bunch of friends, crazy one, funny one, self-loving one, even with different personalities, all of us have ONE SAME THING: we care for you. So you are not alone :)

That's all for today, getting really really tired, can't even keep my eyes open. Nights peeps :)

♥Lmw'

The Sweet & Bitterness ♥

Hey bloggie, today will be a longggg post I suppose :3
Okay, so let me start with this:

The Sweetness.
Yesterday got a text from my very best friend, Zhao. She was in Selangor ! WOHOHOO.
And somemore stay near my place ! OMG ! Really unexpected !
You all should look at my face yesterday in school, it is like ':D', even brighter. Feel really happy :3
And night, we went to Chatime, and decide to snap a photo. 2 idiots dunno how to take photos, so end up with infinite times of tries, only picked 1 to post on instagram. Satisfied :3
Chat a lot, even we just met for about 40 minutes. Short of time :(
Looking forward to see you again ! Best friend forever ♥

Best friend forever ♥

And now today. Of course, school day, happy ! Wehheeee ♥
Today I went school quite early, and then as usual, I went to my friends. They are chatting as usual. Hmm, not sure anyone realise, but I often keep my eyes on the gate, waiting for her. And at last, she was here :D
*Bright smile from her

*Me almost fainted 

LOL, just kidding, but she did smile at me, as cheerful as always :)

Hehess, spend another schooling day with her, sitting beside her :3

Best things to do in school : Look at her, think of her and suddenly smile like an idiot, chit-chat with friends, sing with friends, troll with friends ♥

I'm so so happy, until 12pm...

All of a sudden, thunder storm strikes right in my heart, I crawl around like a lost puppy, feeling miserable..

That moment, it's like a knife stab right in my heart. I feel scare, worry. I wanted to hold her tight, I don't wanted to wait for another 17 hours to meet, I wanted to tell her that I like her. 

But I'm afraid, I know she needs more time. Staying like this is better than being awkward everyday. 

Hope that I will get used to it soon. That feeling.. 

'You should be happy that you can get so close with her you know ! Not many people can see their love ones that often' Someone told me this, and I totally agree with it. How can I forgot to appreciate what I have? Thanks for giving me advice, and bringing me back to myself again ♥

Sorry if my attitude in the last hour freak you all out :P


Now : The Bitterness.
Sobs~
I never know, how to appreciate when you were with me. I should have talk to you more, snap photos with you more, tell you how much I missed you, loved you, and care about you more..
Will it be too late now? Do I have another chance to snap photo with you again?
Please God, please, don't take her with you now, I still need her, I still have a lot of things to do with her..
I wanted to snap loads of photos with her, travel around with her, show her my girlfriend, meet my wife, listen to my children call her grandma, see her bright smile, see her hair grow white, day by day...
Please, not now, not now !
I haven't even do a thing that a son should do, my responsible..
You've leave me for 7 years, but it's okay ! It's okay ! Just don't leave me forever !
There are  a lot of things that you have missed about me, I wanted to show them all to you, I can sing, dance, cook...
I wanted you to be proud that you have me as your son, I wanted to make you smile, I wanted you !
So please, stay strong ! Don't ever think of giving up !
I needed you, I need you now, I need you in the future, I need you always...

♥Lmw'